How Your Limiting Beliefs Are Playing Out In Your Parenting Journey

Let's dive right in. Why don't you introduce yourself and share a little bit of your story and how you came to be working in this trauma recovery space?

Yes, thank you. I Was born in Ukraine originally and came to Canada seven years ago.

Didn't even know where to go, I started from scratch, from zero, with my six-year-old daughter, at that time, I had lots of internal beliefs about myself, limiting beliefs, and lots of patterns from childhood that didn't help, of course.

At that time, I didn't know I could work on them, I didn't know that there was a chance for me to feel free, feel better, and experience an increased sense of inner peace. So for a couple of years in Canada, it was just the same, running, shutting down, suppressing whatever I felt wasn't working, avoiding, victimizing, blaming, you name it. I had it all.

Then COVID-19 happened. For many people, it was a really difficult time, but for me, aside from being a difficult time, it was also a time to go inward and look into that childhood trauma, into those patterns. life started to unfold beautifully, It was painful, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar, but in a very beautiful way. I had my son at that time, and he was one year old. And so my children became like the mirror of everything that wasn't working in my life, they reflected that of course and I would look at them and be like, wow, am I a bad mom or am I not parenting the right way?

I started to look for ways I could help them. And found out that I needed to help myself first. That's how I came to hypnotherapy because I loved the more rapid method of accessing the subconscious programming, the trauma. And I thought maybe because I was running all the time, I always looked for faster ways and it turned out to be a beautiful way for me.

Then, I decided that I did want to work in that field and I did want to help others work on their issues. Yeah, so that's how I became a hypnotherapist. And here I am. It's so interesting how our children become a mirror of all of the things that we've been running from. Absolutely. And they will always be, you know, even if we grow up and we didn't do that when they were little, they will still keep showing us.

They will keep being that mirror. And it's beautiful that they come to our world. And, it's like a second chance. If we didn't see it before, now you can see it again. If you were unaware of it before, now you can be and it's like you cannot miss it, right? Like it's not. You will need to shut it down even more, you know, to suppress it even more which is harmful to us and others.

So let's talk about the benefits of using a methodology like hypnotherapy for healing trauma. What are some of the benefits?

So usually people with a deep trauma, where that trauma is in the subconscious mind, because as a little child, we don't know how to process it.

It goes into that unconscious subconscious because we need to survive. So, we do whatever we need to do as children to survive, and then we grow up. So all of these issues that we put down because we couldn't process, they start to show up in different patterns in our life, you know, relationships, motherhood nurturing our children, building connections with other people.

So it shows that we are starting to be very fearful, worrying, and anxious, or we avoid certain situations. Sometimes we avoid motherhood in general. And For some moms, it's that they naturally feel like, okay, I will do that, right? But some women, decide, I won't have kids because I don't want to.

Sometimes, if you go deeper, it's because of childhood trauma. And so hypnotherapy works on the subconscious level on those 90 per cent of our mind.

So who will benefit from it?

People who have been in talk therapy for many years and they do feel the shift. They do feel the improvements in their life, but they don't see it. a huge shift, that shift that changes the behaviors, the reactions, the actions, the decisions that we make so they go a little bit deeper. They choose hypnotherapy to go deeper into the subconscious mind and to find out what it is, something that I don't want to see yet, or I'm afraid to see.

Then, we look at those moments, re-watching your life story to desensitize yourself from those moments. Because It's about the meaning we make out of what happened that means, I'm not worthy, or I'm not needed, I'm not wanted, I'm not important, I don't matter, I'm not good enough, all of them come from those experiences we had, that we had no control over in childhood.

This method is beautiful for people who feel resistance to change. They still unconsciously, of course not intentionally, stay in that victim mode, and from that victim mode, it's very hard to parent intentionally, you know, to deal with serious conversations, to make some decisions.

If you're stuck in your fight-or-flight triggered state, it's hard to parent. First of all, be present as a parent and then parent in a calm manner because the moment that you approach your children, you're all anxious, agitated or triggered. They're going to pick up on that, and they're going to reflect that.

Like we were saying earlier, they're a mirror. There, they will shine a flashlight on all of the things that you've been hiding, running from, repressing, whatever it may be. It's very much what I've seen and sometimes what I read in some Facebook groups, you know, and moms say, well, what's wrong with my child?

What is wrong with my child? Like, can someone help me with this? Where is the best therapist? Where is the best doctor? Give me a recommendation of the best, because I can't deal with her or I can't deal with him anymore. Yeah, and if we do a little turnout with that mom and say, let's turn it around on you.

I can't deal with my child, which means that I cannot deal with myself. I cannot understand my child. It's because I can't understand myself. What is wrong with my child, what is wrong with my beliefs? My inner world so that I cannot connect. What story from your childhood are you reenacting with your relationship with your child?

The hardest one, was because I grew up in Ukraine. Ukraine had pretty strict standards for raising kids. Everything like emotions was not that much expressed. It's not that I wasn't allowed to express emotions, but no one knew how to deal, with my emotions.

So I had to keep them in. Because I realized very early that well, what's the point if it's not going to be, it won't help.

I started to keep it in and so when I saw my child, of course, not keep it in because our children don't, they want to be free., I brought her to Canada and brought her to the free society at that time because I wanted her to look at all the opportunities. And of course, they grow up with this understanding that everything is available to them. Then, she started to show her emotions, and I didn't know how to deal with them because I didn't have anyone to teach me, to show me the way to deal with them.

And so, it was shutting down, manipulating the child, and controlling her. That was my pattern, the same pattern. Stop talking, it's not your time to talk, why are you so loud? You're too active. Like all, if I think about it and if I do step into those old patterns, I will feel guilt.

But because I know that it doesn't help when we feel guilty for our past actions, then of course I won't feel guilt. But if I did go there and I look at all of that, yes. And I would step into those thoughts and go into my old Kate mindset. I would feel a lot of guilt, of course, for doing that, but I know that it was just my way of dealing at that time.

so that pattern, the manipulating and controlling shut down the child's feelings. Don't talk, don't be that angry, you're too emotional, you're overreacting. The child is never overreacting. They're just reacting. So for me, it was this pattern from childhood, raising voice. Same raising my voice at my kids because this was how my emotions were dealt with when I was a child.

I was like, okay, if someone screams, I have to be quiet and this be quiet. It leads to us growing up as being afraid of public speaking, being afraid to step up, to stand up for ourselves, to build our boundaries because what we need is to be quiet. I need to be invisible.

And so we have a lack of confidence, we have a lack of self-esteem. We don't believe in ourselves when we want to achieve something for ourselves, even if it's something we love. Sometimes we have this hobby or this, amazing idea that we believe will turn out into something beautiful, but no, we need to be invisible. So if we do step up to our full potential, we will be visible and that's scary as I'll get out. So we sabotage, we wait. That was how I was showing up as a mom for the first 10 years of my daughter's life.

So what are some of the first steps that you took to flip that?

The first realization that came is that it's not about my daughter at all. Nope, It's not about her at all. It is about me and it is the way I react. It is the way I see myself, my relationship, and my daughter. My husband agreed when he listened to these all new concepts, he was like, yeah, he had his patterns from childhood.

And poor child had to carry both of us, you know because he had his own thing. I had my own thing. And then we come together and we parent this beautiful child with an overload of limiting beliefs. And so the first thing is like, I have to turn inwards.

There is nothing wrong with my child, there is something wrong with my inner world. There's nothing wrong with me, but it's with my inner world, my inner beliefs, with my reactions and that's how I started simple YouTube videos like, Why children are angry. Why kids don't listen to us?

And, you know, you come across some controversial videos, of course, but I was 33 at that time. I could filter what resonated. It didn't. And then, at some point, I come to these beautiful videos where they explain, well, they reflect your inner anger, they reflect your energy.

That started to happen, so I started to create that space between the trigger and my reaction. So my daughter, for example, got angry or frustrated or she didn't want to do something, so I created a space. I was like before I react, I'm just going to stop. That helped a lot. It wasn't always a success. It was a good learning curve at some point, and then the second realization was, to be honest with my child. At some point she was 10, she was very mature and, I felt that she was ready to hear the truth. So I came out with the truth. I was like, Anna, listen, I do want to parent you differently, a completely different way as I parented you the first 10 years.

It wasn't good, so I admit it. It wasn't with the guilt, I didn't want her to feel like, Oh Mom, that's okay. I didn't want her to feel guilty. I’m like, no, listen, I realize what we did to you. Is not the way we should have parented you, but I want to change it now. We still have so many years together and I don't want to let this continue. What would you like to change?

I asked her, that was the most light bulb moment, let's just say for her. She's like, Oh, my mom is asking me like how, how I would love for her to parent me, you know? And I was like, just in simple words, what don’t you want? And she said, Mom, I don't want you to yell. Mom, I don't want you to criticize me.

Mom, I want you to let me be myself, I want you to trust me, Like different things, you know, and I was like, okay, this is the beginning. If she's telling me that, it's exactly what I need to do to stop yelling. I am healing my pain. I knew where I needed to go in order not to yell and not to get angry.

I needed to heal the pain behind that anger to trust her. I needed to trust myself and boy, that's a big one, right? And then to listen to her, I needed to practice patience. Maybe meditations, maybe something that will train my patience. It's a skill. So she wanted me to listen to her more, to be more engaged in conversations.

It's like, okay, then I need patience. And it's a skill and let's now find it. Let's find people who know how to do that and just little videos, little meditations here and there. I tested, I sampled, It wasn't always that I found the way. No, it took time, but I loved the result. I think that this is very important for the audience to know, for moms who believe that, Oh, if I start doing something with my inner world, therapy sessions, coaching, whatever they choose, that the children will follow right away a little bit later.

Yeah, it doesn't happen overnight. Why? Because they test you. They look, it's like, Oh, mommy changed or something changed about her. Like she's trying to work on herself, but they do not always follow immediately. So patience, being a mom, being patient that your child will follow. They are a little bit inert, just like our bodies.

We start to change our thoughts and the body follows a little bit later. We change the beliefs and then the body heals a little bit later because it is more inert. Yeah, that's the same with children, they will follow later. So it was about half a year, six months until my daughter told me Mom, did you notice you don't yell?

And it’s and then you realise all the pain that you went through in six months because it was painful covering everything, you know, uncovering crying and trying to work on those, on that belief system of what's right, what's wrong. That's what helped a lot. I looked at my daughters, and I was like, this is all worth it.

Oh, this six months and I do it more. So then, it's a snowball. You start to learn more about how to heal your wounds so that your child reflects and feels safer to accept you. Yeah. I think it is huge and it's a huge shift generally, generationally for us too.

We need to be willing to go to our children and admit that we've made a mistake and what we did wasn't right, but we want to change it. And that is something that previous generations have not done, even if you ask. It's so healing and it teaches our kids that it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to say, whoops, I messed up, but I can make it better. Exactly! It teaches them that you can change anything. There's an element of grace, and I think this is one of the biggest lessons that they learn. If they learn that everything changes, they can change anything. Making mistakes is not a bad thing.

It's liberating, it's a learning experience. It's amazing. We learn more from the pain than we learn from the success. This is true. And so, if they learn these couple of lessons, they're gonna be fine. They're gonna be great in their life. They will, no matter what happens, they will know that they can change it.

So, they're not stuck in that, you know, the child believes that when I go into hypnotherapy, it has regression therapy. So they go into some really painful memories and their strong belief as a child is, It's going to be like that forever, I'm stuck and it's never going to end. I'm doomed, Yeah, I'm doomed! Yeah, that's where the depression steps in, because we start to feel like there is no way out. We are hopeless, helpless, and out of control. And so the child because the child doesn't have that much of a critical thinking awareness, consciousness developed, yet they only live mostly in sensations, and emotions in that subconscious programming.

And the subconscious mind doesn't know time. They believe it's never going to end and very often, we live in that belief, even when we grow up, I'm never going to be able to heal it, I'm never going to be able to fix it. This is never going to change. It's always going to be like that.

How, like I've heard very often adults saying that and of course, I was like, how do you think you act having this book that it's never going to change? And they say in reality, making it a reality. I don't look for other options, I stop before I even try because the belief drives us.

So how does hypnotherapy help to access those beliefs that are written in absolute childhood and reframe them?

When we work with the subconscious mind, it's not that something magical or like people are asleep or anything.

They are in a light, relaxed state, just like they would when they go to bed and they still didn't fall asleep, but in dozing-off mode when they are relaxed. And it's just done with the little induction, the little relaxation voice, and guidance, and when they do, we go and look at those beliefs from the past.

When they realised that I formed the belief that at six, being on the planet only six years. Only knowing what a child would know at six years old. I formed a belief that I was not lovable at six. Of course, every child whose parent leaves them at school in a class of 30 kids completely scared, might believe that, well, I'm not lovable.

If my mom dropped me there and left me then I don't want to go here. Not every child wants to go to school, especially for the first couple of days. So they are scared. And so the child believes that. And then when we look at that, it was like, okay, but you're now 38. How does this belief show up in your life now?

Are you six? You're 38. What do you know now that you didn't know at six? And they're like, Oh, it doesn't matter what kind of childhood you had, You're now in a completely different world. Your parents do not control you. You're not abused by them. If there was a huge physical, sexual, or verbal abuse at home, you're not there anymore.

You can change it now. You couldn't at six, for sure. Yeah, you didn't have control of it. Yeah, but now, but now you do. And so is it still worth holding onto that belief? Having everything, the freedom, the freedom of choice, the freedom of voice, the freedom of expression, the freedom where you wanna go and what you wanna do.

Is it still worth having this belief? And they say, no. It's not even relevant right now. It's not relevant to my 30-year-old personality. And so when they realize it, when we go into the healing part of the session, this is where we transform it. When they talk to their subconscious mind.

I'm not six. I'm so much smarter now. And usually, we connect to what good things they have in life now. And sometimes they don't, they don't have anything. They are like, well, I'm all alone. I don't have anyone. I don't have any friends. Then we turn to ourselves, but you have yourself. You know, sometimes we don't have anyone.

Sometimes we only have our pet, our dog. And I was like, well, look at your dog. Isn't he, or she demanding your attention all the time because you are lovable? They do trust you because they do love you. After all, there is nothing in this world that can change that you are worthy. It doesn't matter what happened.

And so when they turn it to themselves, well, I have myself all the time. Yes, I don't have a partner that I want, or maybe I don't have kids yet. That happens as well when women come to me, but I ask them, you have yourself now? You can come back to yourself and build your life.

You can live so many lives in one lifetime because everything changes. You can start from scratch every single day. And so we use these tools for them to change that belief, that I am enough. I am a good enough mom. I am because I already did better. And you know what? Every single mom that comes to me and I ask them, what did you do better for your kids than what was done to you?

And I've never had any client who would say, Oh, I didn't do better. They all said I did better. I told my child that I love them. I was at every game in school. I tried to listen to them. All the time we do better, that is evolution. Right.

Showing them that, Oh my goodness, I am not worthless. I did better for my children, even for my relationship than my parents or caregivers did to me. Yeah, I love that. It's like Hypnotherapy is a tool that helps you to remove the veil that traumas covered your eyes with. Exactly that filter, you know, just removing that little filter and looking in the world that oh, there are so many options and when we take that responsibility, when the mom says, it's about me, I'm changing myself and my kids will reflect my world.

And then what mom does is she takes responsibility for her healing. She doesn't put it on doctors, or therapists. Yes, those are great guides, but it's my healing. It's my job to do the work. I listen to the advice, to a little guidance, and I take programs, whatever it is, but it's my responsibility to heal.

No one can fix me but myself. And that's beautiful. Yeah, that's beautiful for moms. They feel, Oh my God, but I have so much power now. Now my healing is in my hands, which is like, Wow, I do have power. I'm not hopeless. My healing doesn't depend on a good certification of a therapist, a good certification of a doctor or a good experience, with another person.

No, it's great guidance, but my healing is here. Yes! Because you work with clients and you really, guide them, but it's their job to open the door and walk through that door. I can't do it for you, friends, I can only heal me and I can tell you what you might need to change.

People believe that, oh, that's so much responsibility. This is so hard to be responsible for your healing. But it's the opposite, It's so much power, so much control.

How can our audience connect with you and work with you if they choose to?

If they're a little bit curious, I do have a website. It's kateseminuik.com. I'm very active on social media. They can find me on Instagram, Kate Seminuik and then they can find me on Facebook as well. I have a YouTube channel that they can also watch.

They can contact me through so many different sources on these platforms. There is always a very easy way to find me by just Googling my name and my website will come up for sure. They can just contact me through my phone, email, or the contact form on the website.

I'm starting a six-week program soon and it's for women to love themselves. The program is called You Are Love. So it will have a lot of hypnotherapy audio. To go through a traumatic experience, to heal it, to talk to their mind, so they can look into that as well.