Navigating the challenges of motherhood after trauma can feel like an overwhelming journey. As mamas, we often find ourselves grappling with triggers, self-doubt, and the pressure to meet everyone's needs. But what if I told you there's a way to shift from constant reactivity to a more compassionate, empowered approach?
Let's explore some powerful insights and strategies shared by Mel Findlater, a mom of two and a coach who helps mamas see new possibilities in their lives.
The Impact of Past Experiences
Our past experiences, whether related to fertility struggles, traumatic births, or childhood events, can profoundly shape our approach to motherhood. Mel's journey, from IVF treatments to navigating parenthood away from family support, highlights how these challenges can leave lasting imprints on our psyche.
One of the most significant revelations in Mel's story is the importance of identifying our triggers. For her, it was the overwhelming feeling of not being able to meet everyone's needs - a common struggle for many mamas.
How can we pinpoint our triggers?
1. Practice self-reflection
2. Pay attention to physical and emotional responses
3. Journal about challenging moments
Remember, recognizing triggers is a process that takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery.
Mel introduced us to a powerful tool called the Choice Map, developed by Dr. Marilee Adams. This visual guide helps us shift from a judgmental mindset to a learning mindset, especially in triggering situations.
When faced with a challenging situation, we often default to the Judger Path, making assumptions and harsh judgments about ourselves or others. The Learner Path, however, encourages curiosity and open-mindedness.
Key steps to switch to the Learner Path:
1. Pause and notice when you're on the Judger Path
2. Ask yourself open-ended questions
3. Challenge your assumptions
4. Seek to understand rather than judge
Perhaps the most crucial aspect of managing triggers and shifting our mindset is practicing self-compassion. As Mel pointed out, we're often harsher on ourselves than we would ever be to others.
Strategies for fostering self-compassion:
1. Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend
2. Recognize that imperfection is part of the shared human experience
3. Practice mindfulness to stay present and non-judgmental
Remember, developing self-compassion is like building a muscle - it takes consistent practice and patience.
Mel beautifully explained the process of retraining our brains using the analogy of learning to ride a bike. Just as a neural pathway starts as a thin piece of floss and gradually thickens into a rope, our new, more compassionate thought patterns take time to establish.
Tips for retraining your brain:
1. Be patient with yourself - change doesn't happen overnight
2. Celebrate small victories along the way
3. Practice new thought patterns consistently
4. Use visual reminders of your progress
When you find yourself triggered, grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment. Try this simple exercise:
1. Notice what your feet are touching
2. Focus on the sensation in your calves
3. Gradually move your attention up your body
This practice helps shift your focus from racing thoughts to physical sensations, creating space for more balanced responses.
As we navigate the beautiful, challenging journey of motherhood after trauma, remember that healing is not linear. Some days will be easier than others, and that's okay. The key is to approach yourself with compassion, curiosity, and patience.
By implementing tools like the Choice Map, practicing self-compassion, and consistently working to retrain our brains, we can create new neural pathways that lead to more peaceful, empowered parenting.
You're doing important work, mama. Keep shining, keep growing, and remember - you're not alone on this journey.
Mamahood After Trauma Podcast
Discover a sanctuary for healing and growth in motherhood with the Mamahood After Trauma Podcast hosted by Emily Cleghorn. Dive into candid discussions and practical tips on parenting amidst trauma recovery.
Join Emily and her guests as they navigate the complexities of raising children while prioritizing personal healing. Find solace, strength, and joy in the beautiful chaos of mamahood after trauma.
Rising from the Ashes: Reclaiming Your Life After a Traumatic Childhood
Break free from the shadows of your past trauma with 'Rising From the Ashes.' This book empowers mamas to reclaim their voices, rebuild self-worth, and embrace healing. Discover the tools you need to overcome past challenges and create a brighter future for yourself and your family.
Mended Mama Academy
Healing trauma is like peeling an onion. There are so many different layers that need restoration-- it requires caring for the whole person which can be incredibly overwhelming.
Inside the Mended Mama Academy, it’s not about peeling all the layers at the same time. It’s about allowing you to have the time and space along with the accountability, resources and support you need to peel the layers back 1 by 1 and create sustainable healing.
At Mamahood After Trauma, we recognize the profound, often silent struggles that accompany maternal mental health. Dealing with maternal trauma adds another layer of complexity to the already demanding journey of mamahood. We see you, and we hear you.
We strive to create a space where you can feel safe and supported, where you can share your feelings without judgment and find the strength to heal at your own pace
At Mamahood After Trauma, you’re not just another client; you’re a person with a story that deserves to be heard and respected. We’re here to offer you the tools and support you need to navigate the challenges of maternal mental health. With the right help, it’s possible to reclaim your well-being and experience the joy of motherhood in a way that feels healthy and fulfilling.
Emily grew up in beautiful small town Nova Scotia, a place she couldn’t wait to get as far away from as soon as she was old enough to leave home. For her, where she grew up represented a lot of pain, disappointment and unmet promises. It represented a lot of limitation and toxic relationships.
She somehow found a strength deep within her to keep persisting. She was aware of the statistics for kids that grew up in similar situations and she made a decision early on that she was not going to be one of those statistics.
She was going to be different...
© Copyright Emily Cleghorn 2024